I believe life challenges us. When we sit back and take a breath, and allow God in, He helps us figure it out. Sometimes that is through others that He sends your way.
2 years ago on January 1st, something happened that I never expected. Around the time 12:30 am 2018 my dog of 6 years, Finnegan, attacked me and bit me in the face ripping off part of my bottom lip. It was New Year's Eve and we were celebrating the New Year in Ocean City Maryland. I was blessed to be surrounded by great friends and family that held my hand through the terrifying night. I was taken to Johns Hopkins Medical Center around 3am in Baltimore to get treatment for my lip and got released around 11am after getting reconstructive surgery to place my lip back on my face. The full story of the whole night it a bit foggy to me but what I can remember is the fear in everyone's eyes. It took me a while to process the accident and to fully accept my new scar. That night took a lot out of me and I lost myself that year. Struggling with depression, anxiety, and PTSD from the accident. The year 2018 brought a lot of challenges for me and a lot of loss. January 2nd 2018 (my birthday) I had to say goodbye to my best buddy Finnegan. I never blamed her for what she did. I still loved her and losing her was very hard for me. She had been there and helped me through very hard times in high school and I will always thank her for that.
God really challenged me in 2018 with a lot of loss in my life. I just didn’t understand why all this was happening to me, I felt like he was trying to tell me to just give up, and i wanted to many times. 2019 I made some changes in my life that I needed to do for myself. I called it my “rebuilding year”. I challenged myself to see past the scar and asked God why he had thrown this bad luck my way. I went to a worship service one morning and the pastor said "God Gives His Toughest Battles to His Strongest Soldiers". I didn't know if I really believed that because then this would be the 2nd time God has pushed me so far down I didn't want to get back up, like when I was 15 and developed my eating disorder. My mom and dad have always helped me to be able to take a step forward and breath. My mom reminded me that life sends us those struggles not God. He teaches us how to work through them and carries us when we need it. Just like my favorite song, “Where were you” by Francesca Battistelli. God gives us courage and knowledge so that we can help others get through their challenges in life and sends us as angels to support others. She reminds me of the song, “Angels Among Us” – people sent from God to make life better. God lets things happen to us so that we can learn from their strength and skills to help others.
To me that quote from church does not mean that God only gives strengths and knowledge to some, He offers it to all …. some listen but don’t know how to apply the message and some do hear and become his strongest soldiers – it is a choice he never leaves anyone alone.
As I was trying to focus on “rebuilding” i got pushed down again and again. I committed to finding myself because I know I have a purpose in this life. I just needed to find it. In December 2019 I got a scar revision surgery to help with some of the swelling that never went away. I took the bandage off after the surgery and cried happy tears with my dad. While I know the scar will never go away and the pain of that night will live with me forever, I can finally say that I have accepted this new piece of my body. I hated looking in the mirror and seeing the scar and just remembering what happened every time. I am proud of the process it took me to get to where I am today and who I am today. I have grown so much the past two years and really dug into who it is I want to be. I want to help people… so i decided to go back to get my masters in social work. Yup that's right the girl who was told my learning disability would never let me live up to anything got accepted into graduate school. I want to ride horses and be the equestrian I can be. I want to be the Molly Jean I was before that accident. With lots of tears, therapy, horses, family/friends, music, the ocean and God I can proudly say that I have never felt so confident as I do right now. Yes at times I struggle but everyone does. It wasn't until recently when someone looked at me and told me my scar was beautiful and brought out my unique and goofy personality, without really knowing the full story, that I finally started to believe it too. He saw my scar not as weakness from a tragedy but as a part of who I am.
Now it's on to new beginnings and memories in 2020 scar and all!